Mom of 4 year old – Teacher, Teacher: The guilt trip of the working mom

I have been very frustrated by my 4 year old’s teacher lately. Sometimes, I feel that teachers in preschools feel like they know more than the parents, and feel the need to tell us parents what to do or what is best for our children.

Lately, I have been working quite a bit at night and in the early mornings on deadlines for work. Thus, I have been taking my daughter to school late. Sometimes, I forget to bring the assigned items to school for the day. It has been a hectic month. I have been behind on the little things for my B at school. I never forget the important things like her lunch, but when I was asked to bring a can of food to school for the food drive, I forgot. When I was asked to bring my daughter an extra change of clothes for her cubby, I forgot. And when the parents were asked to attend a parade at school from 9:30 to 11A on a school day that ends at Noon, I did not attend and kept my daughter at home so I could finish my work.

Since I work from home, it is tough to get everything done while my daughter is at school for the few hours she is in preschool each day. And since I don’t have a nanny, I cannot just ask the nanny to take my B to school so I can finish working, so often I am in a bind with my schedule and she gets to school late a few days a week.

At my B’s school, many of the moms do not work or have full time nannys if they do work, so I am one of those hybrid moms who work from home with no help. Of course, the teachers do not know that I work because I try to be available all of the time at school to help with projects, attend Parent Teacher Association meetings, and am the one who usually takes B to school. Thus, the assumption is that I am a stay at home mom, and I should have plenty of time to get my daughter to school on time and do everything the preschool asks of me because that is my sole purpose in life.

Lately, I feel like my daughter’s teacher has been judging me. Looking at the clock when I walk my dauther into the classroom 15 minutes late, or stopping me as I run out after drop off to remind me that tomorrow my daughter needs to bring a magazine to class so she can cut things out of it to make a collage. It has been a little bit irritating considering I do a lot for the school as a mother volunteer, and I do a lot for B as a mom and I know it. The teacher (I believe) assumes I am running off to go workout and have coffee with my friends while my daughter is at school. I don’t know what to do about it, and I feel that I should not do anything about it because it is really none of her business. At the same  time,  I don’t want my daughter’s teacher to assume that I am running away from my child for free time when I am going home to work to contribute to her fabulous education.

I suppose this is the guilt that my mother has been talking about all her life. My mom always said she never felt good when she was not working, and she never felt good when she was working. As a stay at home mom, the mom feels like she is never thanked for all her hard work, and feels guilt for not contributing to the family’s bottom line.

Why can’t women feel less guilt and feel good about what they do for their families? Why can’t we feel that we are doing the best that we can for our families daily?

I would love to hear from all of you out there- working moms, stay at home moms, hybrid moms- part time working moms, what is your story?

Just added the photo of Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes together shopping looking happy simply because they are together as mom and daughter. Moms love their kids. They try to so hard. Why all the guilt?

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4 responses to “Mom of 4 year old – Teacher, Teacher: The guilt trip of the working mom

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